Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
