4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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