My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
