I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
