Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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