4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
