i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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