I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
