then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
