I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I know her cup size but not her name....
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