It's Friday. Sex?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
