evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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