Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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