They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Randomize
