I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
