Swine flu. Run for my life!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
