its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
