some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
