My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
