I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
