When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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