My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
