Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
