So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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