Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
