Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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