my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
