Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
