he puts the penis in happiness.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
