Are we in a gay sports bar?
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
