remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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