last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
