"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
