We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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