Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
