let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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