I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
