Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
