you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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