I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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