What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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