I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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