I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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