I heard we made out
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
