I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
