I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
