Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
