well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
