ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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