You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
