im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
