you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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