dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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