she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
