my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
