Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
