My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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