does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
