Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
