I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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