With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
