I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
