The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
